self-worth

he was talking to her on sofa.

"...after talking for a while with her i noticed that she's always been like that. like... she always do things she know she shouldn't. if there's a button she was told to never press, she would always press it. once she got in college, she said she had never wrote her name on the exams. in each case, she said she just took the make-up exam."

"and this time?"

"she mentioned an important presentation for work was stressing her out. she said she isn't trying to ruin her own life. i still think so, though. i get the feeling she's deliberately trying to make a mess of her life."

"hey, tell me..."

"yes?"

"can u understand why someone would automatically reject all happiness that came their way?"

"what?"

"for example... can u understand why someone who wins 1 million dollars in the lottery would refuse to claim the prize?"

"no... that doesn't make sense. you always talk about it. it's a form of legitimate compensation, isn't it?"

"indeed. in other words, u would receive happiness from claiming the prize."

"happiness?"

"therefore, u can't comprehend her feelings. then let me ask u another question. u're on ur way to school one day. then someone stops u and asks u ; 'could i give u 100 billion dollars?'

what would u do?"

"i couldn't! there's obviously something fishy about it."

"what about it?"

"i just couldn't stop thinking they're up to something."

"in other words, u've demonstrated my point."

"what the hell kind of point is that?"

"that's how people who refuse to accept happiness think. i never said that the person with the money had an ulterior motive."

"but ask anyone! 100 billion dollars is nothing to sneeze at."

"so why not accept it?"

"i'd worry about what would happen next."

"correct. in order to receive happiness, it takes an equal amount of effort. compensation is required. u've always heard that life sways back and forth about a zero point. u take the good with the bad. just as u must take the bad with the good."

"right..."

"however, that view is inaccurate."

"then, how would u put it?"

"to experience a certain amount of happiness... u must also experience the same amount of unhappiness as payment. the idea comes from having to tolerate the bad times in order to enjoy the good times. assuming that good times will arise merely because u have bad times isn't simply optimism. in other words, to take the high road, a higher viewpoint demands a deeper valley. for it not to meet those expectations would be insincere. contrarily, if u're destined down a path of misery... in order to break out of that depth, u must also drum up the energy to do so."

"but she isn't like that. isn't it possible for her to have some kind of happiness... at all?"

"u misunderstand. the desire to do what u know u shouldn't is indeed one of the very desires that defines humanity. u mustn't confuse that fact with her situation. what she's doing is running away. she isn't running from happiness. she's running from the responsibilities incurred by accepting it. as she said, she isn't bringing ruin to her life. her action are precisely calculated."

"but, u say she's running from responsibility even when she walked straight into traffic like that? u call that calculated?"

"she was only hit by a motorcycle. she only broke her arm. she was the one that chose what to do in that exact moment. walking in front of truck is something u really should never do. as a result she was able to avoid that important presentation. she was able to escape the situation that had caused her so much stress. she even avoided being promoted as well. calculations were necessary to control the situation to a desired conclusion. follow all that?"

"how could she..."

"if there was a button she should absolutely never press, she would never press it."